look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
