I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
