we have pet lesbian snakes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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