my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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