3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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