Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
