I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
