Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
