Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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