Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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