Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
