haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
