I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
