she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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