physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
