I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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