I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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