mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
