He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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