sarcasm needs its own font
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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