i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
