It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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