Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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