He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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