How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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