you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
