I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
