if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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