Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
