mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
