my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
