bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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