We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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