You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
