He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think my moral compass just broke
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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