Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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