I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sarcasm needs its own font
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
