I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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