I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
