just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
