can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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