And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
