I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize