It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
