The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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