We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
