but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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