I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
