And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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