I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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