Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
