it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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