i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
