I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
